Beware of the Masquerade

There is an old mantra, “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Many of us have probably heard this or other similar rants regarding people and friendships. If you explore the discussion of friends in the workplace you will often come across people who are very willing to tell their story about a once beautiful friendship that has gone painfully wrong.

There may be many reasons for this, some of which include: misunderstandings, poorly communicated changes, and unfortunately -jealously. It is one thing to be aware of a problem or grievance with a person, but it is yet another type of situation when people are masquerading themselves as a very close friend, meanwhile they do not have your best interest in mind.

Friends matter, people matter, and relationships that you build matter, what doesn’t matter is trying to please those persons who will never share in your enthusiasm, energy, and success. There will always be someone who doubts you, there will always be someone who is jealous or envious, and there will be someone who pretends to be your friend who is not. Don’t get caught in the masquerade trap, free yourself and stay focused.

Here is the great part. You have the option to take a position, your position. Make the decision to pursue what you believe and you will feel alive, free, and focused. Accept advice, listen to friends, but beware of the masquerade.

It’s a party I’m not attending – are you?

- DEG

Listening Barriers

Listening is not the same as hearing, listening tends to be a developed skill while hearing is much more instinctive. Often when we think about a great friend we identify one of their strong points to be that of a great listener. We probably could cite their feedback and interactions, including allowing us to rant or vent as strong points to their listening skills. Workplace listening may have similar strengths but what we may not stop to realize are some of the barriers that prevent us from listening effectively.

While there are many barriers here are few that make the list:

• Noises that attract our attention (elsewhere)
• Room temperature too hot or too cold
• Voice volume or faulty sound system in training sessions
• Interruptions (phone calls, people moving about)
• Clock watching, time constraints, work overload

Listening tends to be a developed skill and by identifying external barriers we can help to improve the quality of any listening and feedback exchange. Most of the items cited above represent external distractions or barriers, what can you add to this list?

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Silence and Listening

Have you considered that we can listen to silence?

Recently many clients have had a strong interest in effective listening skills. A recent discussion point considered how we react, or listen to, silence. Consider the following:

* A comedian using silence when timing the punch line
* A speaker utilizing a long pause, causing the audience to listen for more
* A co-worker sitting quietly when asked for some verbal contribution

In fact, listening for silence in the workplace can have a significant impact on our communication efforts. Listening is not instinctive, it is considered to be a developed skill. As the famous cellular commercial makes a point:“Can you hear me now?”

Effective Listening Skills - Video Brief

Being a good listener is a necessary competency for everyone in the workplace. View this brief video segment and take the three item mini-assessment. Remember that improving your listening skills really only requires -you- to make a difference.